Government_Leadership-7

=**Friendship**=
 * Resolved: To Develop the Art and Science of Friendship**

True friends give the most when they receive the least. Philia (ancient Greek) symbolizes brotherly love - friendship. Studies show the number of people who have no one with whom to discuss important matters has more than doubled. This is not good for society. The social network will never replace the warmth of true friendship. In the ancient world, friendship seemed happiest of all human relationships. Today, it's more ignored.

__Eight Principles of True Friendship:__
 * (1) True friends form around shared insight, interest, or taste, enjoying the common bond uniting them. True friends start as companions and further develop a love and respect for one another. Some friendships are built on utility, others on pleasure, while genuine friendship is more enduring - friends for friendship sake. Any friendship that cannot laugh at itself isn't real.
 * (2) True friends accept one another despite imperfections. A friend looks past faults and sees treasures and talents buried within. Friends are forgiving and offer grace knowing it may need returned some day. Les Giblin (an author) discussed the Triple A formula - Accept, Approve, and Appreciate. Acceptance doesn't mean approval of everything, but means accept the friend as a human. Many do the Triple A formula wrong by waiting until the person does the right thing before acceptance. No one does everything right, which would leave us lonely and unacceptable. A person shouldn't judge a person too critically since we all have a full-time project - ourselves. As the proverb says "Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape."
 * The following story displays the power of acceptance: A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot was only half-full. For a full two years, this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for what it was made to do. The poor cracked pot, on the other hand, was ashamed of its imperfection. It was miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it was made to do. After two years of feeling a bitter failure, the poor cracked pot spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack on my side causes water to leak as you walk all the way back to your house. Because of my flaw, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get the full value of your efforts," the pot said. The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there are flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known your flaw. So I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day, while we walk back, you water them. For two years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house." We all have cracks and flaws. True friends still accept us.
 * (3) True friends approve of one another protecting each other's weaknesses while enhancing each other's strengths. Few take the time to approve of others because most are busy focusing on themselves. Imagine the friendship revolution if everyone approved of their friends' strengths by sharing what they respect and admire about them. Regretfully, many times, these good words are spoken only at the funeral. Words cost little but their value to others is priceless. Like oil in an engine, approval makes relationships run smoothly. How many people would benefit from feeling approved when climbing life's mountain?
 * (4) True friends appreciate one another, encouraging, serving, and believing in one another's gifts and talents. In the buffet for the soul, acceptance is the appetizer, approval is the main dish, and appreciation is the dessert. When something appreciates, it gains value. We should help others gain value. Friends look for ways to help each other. One of the best ways is to help a friend turn up his/her positive voice. Bad friends help turn up the negative voice. "A friend is someone who knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts who you have become, and still gently invites you to grow."
 * (5) True friends listen with empathy, learning the hopes, dreams, fears, and struggles of each other. Listening is one of the best ways to show acceptance, approval, and appreciation. Active listening is an important skill. It's easy to tell when someone is listening and when one is waiting for a pause to be the one to do the talking. Friends often want to be heard, not always given advice.
 * (6) True friends celebrate one another's success, proud of each other's accomplishments without a hint of envy. Friends should be one another's greatest cheerleader. Friends aren't in competition and are always proud of each other's accomplishments. Friends dream, laugh, struggle, lose, win, and celebrate together. There are two ways to react to a friend's success - admire and emulate or envy and denigrate. Friends don't talk negative behind each other's backs.
 * (7) True friends are trustworthy, maintaining all confidences shared with honor and self-respect, knowing that gossip separates the best of friends. Trust is needed for one to open his/her heart. How do you build trust? Simple - the Golden Rule ("Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."). Fair-weather friends depart when storms come. True friends stay and endure the storms and hurts when a friend hurts. In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends.
 * (8) True friends are loyal, respecting, and defending one another's character; concerns are addressed promptly and privately. Loyalty doesn't mean taking a friend's side on any issue, right or wrong; rather it means one is a friend, right or wrong. Loyalty isn't just defending a friend who is present, but also in their absence (not being "two-faced"). What about being in the middle of friends in conflict? Bring them together for reconciliation (there's a later chapter on conflict resolution). If a person cannot admit a shortcoming, then he or she won't improve. True friends are loyal and only abandon a friendship when principles of virtue and honor aren't returned.

In summary, true friendship is a lost art in today's "me" generation. The best way to find a true friend is to be one - commitment to give such a relationship rather than receive. Resolve issues rather than dissolve friendship.

Lewis and Tolkien were two Oxford professors who founded a writing club. Their bond began in September of 1931 when Lewis surrendered his materialistic worldview in favor of Christianity. Lewis's conversion directly led to the //Narnia// series since it was his Christian worldview, along with his understanding of the role of fantasy and myth, that inspired him to write the books. Tolkien played an important role since he was about to confront his friend while still communicating his love for him as a person - the mark of a true friend. Tolkien was key to Lewis's conversion, which (as mentioned) led to the //Narnia// series. Lewis was also a good friend, but in a different way. Without Lewis's constant encouragement of the hyper self-critical Tolkien, //The Lord of the Rings// series would not have existed. Lewis and Tolkien sharpened each other and encouraged one another. They both agreed to write fiction with a purpose - to lead people to truth through the power of myth. They created fiction that captures the profound realities of life nearly impossible to capture any other way. They sold millions of books and the movie adaptation made billions. This is impressive from two friends who perfected their crafts by reading each other's writings. They had constant belief and encouraged each other.
 * C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien: Friendship:**

__Thinking Questions__: 1. Think of someone who's had a significant impact on your life. What did that person do that made a lasting impression? 2. Friendship, for most, isn't a very intentional part of our lives; however, it's a very important part and can be quite productive. How is friendship valuable to the success journey? 3. What role does the triple A principle: accept, approve, appreciate play in developing that friendship bond. 4. What do you think is the most important quality of a true friend? 5. What can you do to intentionally be a better friend? 6. What will you take from this lesson and being applying into your life?

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